Today is National Coming Out Day, and I want to make it clear to the world, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am a lesbian and there are others like me who live in this world.
I have always thought that it was important to be honest about our identities. Not because I believe we should put boundaries around them, but because it is important for the world to see us as we are - not as they think we should be.
In September, my heart was broken by the news of 10 suicides in different parts of the country by teens and adults who identify as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Queer. The idea that in this day and age, people feel alone and despondent enough to take their lives as a relief to misery that they are feeling because they are LGBTQ is incredible to me.
I grew up in a small Arkansas town. I have known I was gay/different from an early age. I was terrified that someone in my school, my church or my community would find out and I would become the center of every joke or the target of harassment. I stayed silent and even denied it more times than not. I started dating boys when I was in 11th grade simply to keep people from asking questions. I ate lunch in the Civics classroom so I wouldn't have to hang out with people who I knew wouldn't like me if they really knew me. I was miserable and spent many nights crying - but let me tell you, it got a lot better!
I was a lucky one. I didn't have the emotional energy to take my life. There are many out there who feel like they are at the end of their hope or who are in so much pain they can't take it anymore and I can tell you - hang on, it gets better.
In September of this year GLSEN (the Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network) released a report titled 2009 National School Climate Survey and here were some of their findings over the last ten years:
- 84.6% of LGBT students reported being verbally harassed, 40.1% reported being physically harassed and 18.8% reported being physically assaulted at school in the past year because of their sexual orientation.
- 63.7% of LGBT students reported being verbally harassed, 27.2% reported being physically harassed and 12.5% reported being physically assaulted at school in the past year because of their gender expression.
- 72.4% heard homophobic remarks, such as "faggot" or "dyke," frequently or often at school.
- Nearly two-thirds (61.1%) of students reported that they felt unsafe in school because of their sexual orientation, and more than a third (39.9%) felt unsafe because of their gender expression.
- 29.1% of LGBT students missed a class at least once and 30.0% missed at least one day of school in the past month because of safety concerns, compared to only 8.0% and 6.7%, respectively, of a national sample of secondary school students.
- The reported grade point average of students who were more frequently harassed because of their sexual orientation or gender expression was almost half a grade lower than for students who were less often harassed (2.7 vs. 3.1).
- Increased levels of victimization were related to increased levels of depression and anxiety and decreased levels of self-esteem.
- Being out in school had positive and negative repercussions for LGBT students - outness was related to higher levels of victimization, but also higher levels of psychological well-being.
Senator Wellstone spoke often about the connection between grassroots organizing, electoral politics and good public policy. There have been two bills introduced in Congress; The Safe Schools Improvement Act (H.R. 2262/S. 3739) and the Student Nondiscrimination Act (H.R. 4530/S. 3390). Please contact your elected officials today about co-sponsoring this legislation. Realistically it won't be brought up this year but with enough attention these pieces of legislation can be reintroduced and addressed in the next Congress. It can get better for kids who are currently in our public schools but it is up to us to make sure it does get better for them.
My wife and I (legally married in California and a few other states at least) live in Little Rock Arkansas now. We are expecting our first child in April of next year. I won't sit by and allow that child to be a potential victim of harassment and I won't stop living my life out in the open. The only choice we have is to work toward the most accepting and safe environment we can in our public schools.
If there are people who currently feel like they are at the end of their rope, there are resources for you. My friend Dan Savage recently launched It Gets Better Project on YouTube:
This is a video library of people who have lived through bullying in school and have gone on to create a better life. Another resource for those who care about LGBT youth there is the Give a Damn Campaign. Both are recent resources for LGBT people and allies.
Photo by BayerNYC on flickr.